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From the Desk of Rupaliparda: A Week of Population Panic, Deadly Doves, and Dirty Deeds

By Rupaliparda

Darling readers, grab your chai and settle in, because the small screen is absolutely sizzling this week. We’re moving past the frivolous and diving headfirst into the existential. Forget your typical Sunday night drama; RTÉ is asking the big questions. Specifically, where have all the babies gone?

Yes, the magnificent Miriam O’Callaghan is back, trading her prime-time sofa for a passport and a mission. In Ireland’s Population Crash (Wednesday, RTÉ One, 9.35pm), she’s staring into the soul of a nation that once bred like rabbits but is now facing a demographic winter. We’re talking the lowest birth rates since records began, darlings. Miriam jets off to South Korea to investigate the “4B” movement-women who’ve simply said “no” to marriage, dating, and procreation. It’s bold, it’s bleak, and it’s essential viewing. Let’s hope it’s less sensationalism and more substance.

But if demographic doom isn’t your vibe, perhaps you fancy a bit of steamy subterfuge? Over on Sky Atlantic, Saturday serves up YAGA (9pm). Canadian TV is having a moment, and this one stars Hudson Williams from the hit Heated Rivalry. He’s playing double duty as a missing billionaire’s son and his shady roommate. Enter Noah Reid (Schitt’s Creek fame) as a flirty PI, and Carrie-Anne Moss as a suspect. It’s folk-horror meets feminist fable, inspired by Baba Yaga. It might be a bit messy, but it’s a bingeable ride.

For those of you who prefer your drama without subtitles, the sweat is real on Ireland’s Fittest Family (Sunday, RTÉ One, 6.30pm). Anna Geary and Andrew Trimble are back to make us feel guilty about that second slice of cake. The 14th season takes the carnage to Haulbowline Navy Base and the bogs of Wicklow. It’s competitive craic, €15,000 on the line, and glorious physical exhaustion.

Need a palate cleanser? Sir David Attenborough is the only remedy. Blue Planet III (Sunday, BBC One, 8pm) returns after 25 years. From tawny nurse sharks in Australia to the tiny harlequin shrimp in Bali, it’s pure, soothing majesty. It’s the visual equivalent of a warm hug.

Now, for the grit. Busted (Monday, RTÉ One, 9.35pm) is the true-crime fix you didn’t know you needed. We’re talking the €157 million cocaine seizure off the Cork coast-the one that inspired The Young Offenders. It features the Defence Forces and the dramatic taking of the MV Matthew. High-octane stuff.

And if you need a laugh to cut the tension, A Ring and a Prayer (Friday, RTÉ One, 8pm) returns. Multicultural weddings, Yoruba rituals, and Latvian-Ukrainian fusion-it’s a joyous celebration of love in all its forms.

Switch to TG4 on Tuesday for the return of Crá (9.30pm). The Irish-language crime drama, sold internationally as Boglands, goes darker and more ambitious. Dónall Ó Héalaí is back as Garda Conall, and the entire season drops on TG4+ the same night. Pure, unadulterated grit.

Finally, the streaming giants are spoiling us. Owen Wilson is back swinging in Stick (Apple TV), attempting to be the oldest US Open winner. Keira Knightley returns for more bloodshed in Black Doves (Netflix), proving that mumsy cardigans hide the best assassins. And Keeley Hawes is back in The Assassin (Prime Video), teaming up with Freddie Highmore.

It’s a jungle out there, darlings. Stay tuned, stay sharp, and keep your remotes close.